Sueños

I have a dream.
A desire.
That overcomes my every waking thought.
It consumes my days and nights.
Sound familiar?
The tingly feeling when you visualize
The restless nights of anticipation, waiting for its arrival
fear attempting to seduce your Courage
Knowing that though I am weak I am great because of HIM

Filled with Joy
Because every step you take
Means one closer to finally being the you that YOU were meant to be
The one that God designed 

Officially 241.6lb

Office luncheons; midnights munching

Officially under the 250 mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (HAPPY DANCE)



Last week I really REALLY buckled down with my nutrition and my workouts and it felt great and I felt unstoppable. I went camping this past weekend had an amazing hike, swimming and even a little rock climbing. I was so proud of myself for being able to keep up with my higher endurance gal pals AND climbing up/down this hill that I totally didn’t think I could complete.

BUT then on Monday………………….

The office I work for bought us Mexican Food and I ate it and had some today too with a Coke.

I know I know…..

But it’s not over…

I’ve decided to continue my couch to 5k program tonight, along with Turbo Fire month 2, and finishing up Brazilian Butt Lift month 1. I know that whatever workouts I complete will only go as far as what I allow myself to eat. I refuse to keep gaining and losing the same flipping 15 pounds.



Being able to experience nature and HAVE FUN while doing so was completely heartwarming and for filling and that’s something I know I want to keep doing throughout my life. I want to go hiking, mountain bike riding, and white water rafting; just because I can. I’ve decided that for my 30^th birthday I want to go to a beach somewhere and learn to surf. I want to touch the inside of a wave before I die. To see the beauties our Lord has created. Being fit and healthy just makes those type of things a bit more possible.



Before I began writing this blog all I could think of was eating friend food and chocolate as soon as I got home. And how I would convince my workout buddy to skip today’s workouts and just lie in front of the TV and eat; but not anymore. I’m going home, changing clothes, and heading out to the park for a run and think of the beautiful waterfall I was able to see EVEN after I thought I wouldn’t make it downhill.

Good morning, cranky people....

I heard my alarm go off at 5:30am my first thought..."I can just shut it off and go back to sleep for at least 5 hours" but this idea was interrupted by what I think is the pure Grace of G-O-D! I stayed up, laid in bed for 3 minutes and woke up. I texted my workout buddy/roommate to "Rise and Shine!" Had an awesome workout and great healthy breakfast (hello shakeology) but my other roommate was not so pleased. She usually sleeps through ALL 10 OF HER ALARMS and I woke her up :-( Now before I go into a rant and it sounds like I dislike her or worst hate her that is FAR FROM the truth. I love her she has truly been a great asset to my life and I owe her more then she would ever accept. It's just I feel we are so close its gone past just a friendship but into sisterhood and well let's face it who here loves their sister 24/7? EXACTLY! So I can complain about her till I turn blue in the face but I actually rather not.
This whole transformation is going to affect ever single aspect of my life and I'm going to react to the smallest things in a completely cranky/angry way then what I actually feel.I just think it's my body being deprived of sweets and fats. Let's face it this is an addiction and like most addicts when they face the first few days/weeks they aren't so pleasant to be around. How awful is that "Hello my name is $%^& and I'm addicted to food" huh well there's a thought......
One of my great friends once told me "Fat people want people around them to stay and be fat" and I honestly agree. This idea of "Well, it must not be THAT bad if I'm not the only one doing it" constantly turns through my mind and I hope to learn to control it and shut it off. It's one thing to ruin my health but I refuse to sabotage those around me. Though they might not know it, we are in it together. Day 2 workout completed!

One month down and no pounds lost......

For the past few days I have been lost in Netflix :-)
Enjoying me some Drop Dead Diva Season 1 thru 3......and all I could think of while I'm watching it is.........no this does not happen in real life. NO where in my 20+ years has the slightly overweight girl (IE Me) get this many dates, gosh that outfit makes her look bigger, and can she please get on a diet. The awful thing about it is that I actually enjoy this show. I really like her character and have literally spent hours glued to my laptop watching show after show. And all I can do is hate on this poor woman, who represents the one thing I hate to admit I am....overweight. So I began ranting about how I felt about the show to my roommate and all she said was "Well then what do you think of me?"(My roommate pretty much fits Jane's body type to a T) I was quick on my feet and blame my hatred towards the wardrobe options and how all she needed was a better stylist. I could hear the lies coming right out of my mouth AND I could not believe it. I am ashamed of saying that I hate fat people not because it's mean but because I am one of the people I hate. How could I have let it get this bad??? How can the very thought of being one of them make me sick to my stomach. The same sickness that drives me to over eat and do nothing about it. I hate that I feel this way, I hate that food can change my mood, and I hate how I feel people around me swaying me to make the wrong eating choices and skip my workouts. I guess at the end of the day I hate myself for not having stronger will.

I had this wonderful conversation with my dear great amazing friend, (she would still hate I didn't mention her name haha) and we talked about over eating. How at time we have sat there eating till the point of feeling nauseous and thinking "We are gluttonous!" It's a horrible feeling and a true psychological battle of seeing food as fuel vs using it for comfort. As we joked about buying workout clothes and never working out in them or taking 3 months to complete 3 weeks of an exercise program. We realized that it doesn't matter what we buy, what we eat, or what exercise program we follow; it doesn't matter if WE DON'T WANT IT. I refuse to be the self-loathing, over eating, hateful fat mean girl. I care to change the way I eat to not just change the way I look but to FINALLY win the battle against myself.

Officially day 1 : 7-16-2012

Here's hoping.....

Always a bridesmaid never a bride

I just got word that my close friend will be getting married in a few months. Super excited for her BUT now I have to find a dress along with the other bridesmaids. NO ONE WANTS TO WEAR THE BIGGEST DRESS. NO ONE! I refuse to have to be the special ordered can't find the right size problematic bridesmaid. Time to GET IT TOGETHER!! As much as I just want to eat cake.....ooooh damn you food for being so delicious and evil.... This will be me for the next 90 days.....numbing the pain of separation...

And so it begins

Why must all the amazing sales only include the smallest sizes known to man? I love clothes! I have a superscription to Vogue, watch the September Issue religiously, and love the MAJ Rachel Zoe. Unfortunately, the beautiful clothes and wonderful sales only exists for the size 0 clan. So what did this brilliant young lady decide to do? Well loose weight of course! HA! If only it were that easy! My weight fluctuates like no other I can loose 10lb and gain 15 back in half the time. No I don't follow crazy trends nor do I take any "fat burning" pills. I do my best to eat healthy and workout but sticking to the routine and most importantly the NEW EATING HABITS kill me every time! Before anyone thinks I've just been miss informed  let me give you a small sneak peek into my domain. I have a friend who's a health guru (has the education to back it up) and beautiful person in and out. But she's not always here!! let me be frank...I'm eating chips as I type this ;-)
So I've decided to start a Blog, maybe this can help me work through whatever emotions turn me to food and self sabotage. In short, I'm hungry, I love food but my waistline is furious. This might help sum it up.....

This is how a diet works.....